My Personal Hell

I was raised in a Baptist household, going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and taught about heaven and hell. Basically, go up if your good, down if you are bad.

As I became an adult I have developed my own theories on religion. While I am becoming active in our church (I have become a Catholic in recent years, but that is another post) I don't necessary share the same ideas as many churches....
Amanda's version of heaven:
3,000 thread count sheets on self-making beds
Rich delicious meals with no calories
Naps whenever you want
No responsibilities
Ice Cream, lots of Ice Cream
Round the Clock Massage Service
No Bad Hair Days
Wine consumption with no headache

Amanda's version of hell:
Taking my two kids to get their Christmas Picture made.


Mr. Bob (my dh) said that as soon as we walked into the portrait studio I tensed up. Damn straight I did! And that's after a Xanax and coffee breakfast. I knew what was coming- thirty minutes that I consider more painful than listening to Britney Spears "sing" a ballad. I would take nipple piercings and a root canal without meds over what I knew we were about to endure.

Something in the air of the studio brings out the worst in my kiddos. They love the Lego table in the waiting room and do not want to leave it to go smile and stand still for the camera. Apparently my need to capture their childhood is not a huge priority for them.

My normally angelic darlings... whoops, sorry, I just spit out my drink laughing as I typed that, became fussy, whiny, dare I say it, DIVAS once the camera was aiming at them. I swear I heard Sarah utter her first full sentence under her breath, something to the tune of, "I am not doing another shoot without craft services!" and that was before she threw her cell phone at the photographer, Naomi Campbell style. She kept running away from the "set" as fast as her size 4's could carry her. Also, that pretty bow I had lovingly placed in her flaxen curls? She ripped it from her head every moment she had that was not spent by her taking off her shoes.

Rebecca decided that her arms up in the air made for the most interesting pose. I disagreed. After promising her cookies, ice cream, my savings account, whatever she wanted to just "stand still and smile" we were finally able to get a decent shot. I expect my mother of the year award will be arriving any day now.

After about 15 minutes, I was done, the kids were done, and Mr. Bob had a sort of blank stare in his eyes. I viewed the results on the screen and ended up buying 6 of the poses... so....
12 sheets of pictures: $96
Two Black bows for Sarah's hair that ended up in my pocket: $7
Ice Cream for Rebecca: $5
Not having to do this for one more year: priceless....