twodivasmommy

Horrible Movies...

2010-06-07T19:21:00.000-05:00

I sometimes have VERY bad taste in movies. For instance, right now I watching "He's Just Not That Into You" for the fifth or sixth time, and think it sucked the BIG one, but yet, I am drawn to it like a mosquito to bare legs. I have watched many a crappy movie over the years, and loved them all. Basically, if a movie gets a good review, I will hate it.
Take AVATAR. I loathed that movie, and totally thought the blue people should have lost. It was long, preachy, and the 3D made me sick (literally). Plus, really? Having sex with their tails? No thanks.
Sex and the City? GREAT movie!
Braveheart? Sucked the big one.
Twilight? LOVE THEM!
See a pattern here? The only exceptions to my love of things that suck rule would have to be all things "Harry Potter"...

Return of the Mack...

2010-06-03T20:53:00.000-05:00

Bob your heads and sing along... "you knew that I'd be back!". Six month hiatus from blogging- but- lots to blog about!
Summer break is here and while we still have little to no "free" time, it is nice to not be locked into a schedule!
We ended the school year with Rebecca's recital. Girlfriend LOVED the stage. Seriously. She asked me today if she could get a stage for her bedroom.Gotta love that!

I could get a bit petty here....

2009-11-10T11:24:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I am a horrible blogger. I think about you guys, I swear, I just haven't found the time to write. Between my kids, housework, church, and Facebook obligations, it is hard to squeeze much more in.On the plus side, the outline of my book is coming along swimmingly, so you can all have the oppurtunity to purchase my wonderful musings someday.
I kind of sound like a guy who had (what the chick thought) a great date with a woman, never called, and then awkwardly ran into her at Trader Joe's. By that I mean full of excuses. Don't get mad at me, blame that bastard, Facebook. He sucks me in with his clever games! Sexy City, Farmville, Farm Town, ahh! Three to seven minutes of escapism!
I recently had some "old friends" drop me as friends on Facebook. I used to be in the same mom's group as them, until one of the members who was "supposed" to be my good friend started rumors about me and began acting like we were back in Junior High. The only thing I want to relive from JH is my waistline. This friend, we shall call her "Melissa", told me that everyone in the group talked about me, and filled my head with paranoia, etc, etc until I left the group. After the fact I realized that "Melissa" is certifiably cra-zy, and I should not have taken her at her word.
My point..... when I left the group I had a lot of "keep in touches", etc. I was friends with a bunch of the mom's on FB, and most of them I still am. There are some with whom my relationship has barely changed, we chat, etc. Then there are those three or four that dropped me and gave me no explanation...odd. One if them I was a pretty good friend.
Maybe my bloated self esteem is to blame here, but, I think I rock... so if someone chooses not to be my friend, oh well. It hurts a tad, but I have some great friends, and for that I am grateful. Especially all of you in blogger land (although I am beginning to think only my hubby reads this)...
I will blog again soon, but for now, my farm needs some tending!

Cotton Candy, Sweet and Low, Let Me See that Tootsie Roll!

2009-10-02T14:05:00.000-05:00

Ahhh... October! It is my favorite month of the year. It follows September, my least favorite month of the year (and the reason for no September blogs). October is a month of anticipation for me. I love the crisp evenings, the fall decor, pulling a sweatshirt over your head for the first time...
I love Halloween. I love picking out costumes, buying pumpkins, and stocking up on candy. This year Rebecca is going to dress as Thumbelina for Halloween. Sarah has no opinion on costumes, so I am enjoying picking one out for her. I am sure this will be the last year I get to choose a Halloween costume. I am so excited to take my girls trick or treating!
Another reason I love this month- it is the beginning of the Christmas season. I am getting everything ready for my church's first Christmas Concert on December 4th, which is only two months away! As soon as Halloween ends, the fun of Thanksgiving and Christmas begins! The stores already have Christmas merchandise on display!
I have even began Christmas shopping. Mom and Dad- done! Grandmother- done, two aunts-done! I am always on the hunt for the "perfect" gift! I have a pretty good idea of what I am getting my diva girls.... Rebecca's list grows everyday.
But back to the month at hand....
I still enjoy dressing up for Halloween, even at my (undisclosed) age! Last year I went as a doctor. I may recycle that costume since I don't have a huge need for the scrubs hanging in my closet!

I am going to miss you, Bitty...

2009-08-29T07:18:00.004-05:00

Dear Lil Bit,
You came into my life a month after my brother died. I remember going to the pet store and seeing all 1 1/2 pounds of you viciously chewing away at the newspaper lining your cage. I remember the man putting on protective gloves to get you out of the cage, which cracked me and my dad up. What could this tiny puppy do that made a burly man put on gloves?
Ah, yes, teeth like razor blades...
You destroyed my Doc Martin shoes with your tiny fangs, you would not sleep at night, you were so little you had to wear a bell around your neck so we could find you, you would dart out of the front door every chance you got and run furiously around the yard until I could catch you.
You were the much needed distraction that my family needed. You would snuggle and love us without asking for anything in return. Though we swore never to give you "people" food, your cute persuasive ways won out in the end. For nearly eleven years you were a constant source of joy, comfort, distraction from grief, and unbridled amounts of love.
I knew you were getting older, and God must have felt like you had fulfilled your purpose. We loved you from the moment we lay eyes on your furry little body. I always thought you looked like a luck dragon, and we were lucky to share in your life. I hope you felt it was a good life... filled with love from your family.
I always felt like, in a way, you were Alex's dog, even though he never got to meet you. I hope you are with him now, I know you two will have a ball.
Until I see you again, I love you a whole lot, Little Bit French...
Thank you for your life, I feel blessed that we were able to share it.... (10/12/98-8/28/09)

What a Week!

2009-08-24T14:53:00.006-05:00

Last week held a lot of "firsts" for the Diva house. First day of pre-school, first dance class, first day of Sunday school, and first time Momma Diva realized the "baby" days are gone.
Rebecca went to her pre-school on Monday and Wednesday and had a great time. She wakes up every morning asking if it is a "school" day. I kept having second thoughts about enrolling her, but now I am so happy I did. Her teacher, Miss Brenda, is sweet and enthusiastic about teaching. They have been doing crafts, playing outside, and today got to meet a sand crab. Rebecca has spoke of nothing else but "Justin's sand crab" since she got home from school today!

Rebecca began her ballet classes on Thursday, and she looks so cute in her ballet gear. When I tried it on her she was prancing around and pointing her toes..... we may have a natural on our hands!

Friday was our "day off". We had no school, no dance, nothing! Having such a busy schedule is making me appreciate the downtime.

Sunday started the CCD season and Rebecca had her first bible lesson at church. She has to sit in the church for the first 10 minutes and then goes back to class, which concerned me, since I am the cantor and can't really do much to "discipline" her if she ran around or spoke, etc. She did great and sat in the front row, about five feet from me, and was quiet and very well behaved. A couple friends of mine in the parish kept an eye on her, just in case!

So between Monday and Wednesday pre-school, Thursday dance, Wednesday choir, and Sunday church, we Diva's are keeping pretty busy! We still manage to find time for Target runs and the like!

It's Been a Long, Long Time

2009-08-13T19:47:00.002-05:00

Sorry about the lack of posting. It wasn't until a complete stranger from blogger-land e-mailed to ask if I was continuing my blog! OOPS! So what have the Diva's been up to?
Rebecca: fully potty trained, including night time! YAY! My weekly Target bill has decreased due to no longer having to buy Pull-ups. I took her to buy big girl panties a few weeks ago, and in true diva fashion, she picked out 21 pairs! She got a set of "iCarly" panties (her hero!), "Madagascar" panties, and "Tinkerbell" panties. Add these to her existing collection that includes plain colors, Disney Princesses, Elmo, Care Bears, Wiggles, and Dora, and she has a huge drawer full of panties!

Tomorrow is Rebecca's pre-school orientation, and then she starts her pre-school classes on Monday. I am happy and scared all at once. She is so excited, but I am so used to being with her all day every day, I am nervous about being away from her two days a week.

Rebecca also begins dance class on Thursday. It is "ballet-based" for 3 and 4 year olds. I am so not the dancing type-recital-stage-mom, but she has begged to take dance classes all summer.

Sarah has been talking more and more. She can say "Rebecca" and it is about the sweetest thing I have ever heard. She really does look up to her big sister. I have begun preparations for Sarah's 2nd birthday party. I am keeping it small since Sarah does not like huge crowds. Although, even small, it looks like about 20 people are coming! Sarah's two loves are "Dora" and"yo gabba gabba". I decided to go with "Dora" since it is easier to find. Dora cake and some fiesta decor. More on that to come!

What have I been doing? Redecorating, one of my favorite things! I just finished painting my bedroom and am now working on my master bath. That has kept me busy most evenings. Well, that and Farmville. (a game on Facebook that has me addicted!)

Well, I am off to paint, or tend to my farm....whichever mood strikes me first!

Sarah Smile

2009-07-19T12:51:00.004-05:00

,
Remember that old song, I think it was by Hal and Oates, "Sara Smile"? Well, I heard it this morning and thought of my Sarah. She may have been a tough baby, but when she grins at me it is all worth it. I am having trouble coming to grips with her turning two in a month and a half. :O(
As a mom, when you know your youngest child will most likely be your last, you just want to suspend time and enjoy the "baby" moments. When your baby turns into a walking, talking, person, it can be a hard reality. In related news, I have decided to suspend time on myself, so to not age any more!

A Thousand Words...

2009-07-11T11:26:00.004-05:00

They say a "picture is worth a thousand words". Well, in lieu of going into all of the details, I present to you pictures of Rebecca and her new fish "Lisa". Lisa joined our family three weeks ago, and I think she is enjoying her role as "Diva Fish". Rebecca wanted a pet, and as a reward for a job well done (potty training) we took her to purchase a fish. In true Diva fashion she chose a purple and red beta, a purple bowl, and purple rocks.

Is this really going to happen?

2009-07-07T20:50:00.002-05:00

I am not quite ready to blog about the "alternate universe" gas station, mainly because I am trying to build up the suspense. No really, I am just not ready to relive that just yet.
I will blog about other things, Michael Jackson, my kids, and my potential vacation.

*Michael Jackson's funeral was televised and I found myself drawn to it. For the first time in years I watched a television show during the day that did not include some form of singing animal. Unless you count Mariah Carey- rim shot! Just joking. Anyway, I have always had a fascination with funerals, maybe because I have been to a lot of them in my 28 years, including my brother's when I was 17. Kind of a weird "fascination", I guess, but they are intriguing to me just the same.
As far as Micheal Jackson, so much of his music has influenced me and my life. I remember watching the Superbowl the year the "Black or White" video debuted, and thought it was the most awesome thing I had witnessed. I remember roller skating as a kid to "Remember the Time". He was a hit-making machine, and changed music and dance in his 50 years on earth.

*The Divas- Sarah turned 22 months yesterday, so you know what that means- birthday time coming soon! I think I am going to keep the 2nd b-day celebration pretty low key this year. Sarah is not a huge fan of big parties and crowds, so I think it will just be a cake and some close friends.
Rebecca has been diva-ing up the potty, much to my excitement. She has gotten over her fears and is so proud of her accomplishment. Rebecca starts pre-school next month, and is already, in true diva style, trying to decide which lunch box and backpack to get for school. She is currently torn between "Spongebob" and "I-Carly", and has suggested I buy them both, just in case.

*Is this really going to happen? My Aunt Cindy has offered to take the girls for a couple days next week. Overnight.... no kids..... three days.... I don't think I will know what to do with myself. The plan is to take them to her house on Sunday (she lives in KY) and pick them up Wednesday. I am giddy with excitement, but also apprehensive as to how Sarah will do. She is pretty set in her ways with bedtime routines, etc, but I am hoping she will be a joy for Cindy and allow me a couple days here by myself. DH will be in Texas for work, so I will be all alone. Stay tuned to find out if I get a lot done, or run around the house like the kid in "Home Alone!"

Part Deux

2009-06-30T17:39:00.004-05:00

After we waited in line to "meet" Joel, Bob and I left the Palace and wandered around a bit downtown. We stayed at the Seelbach Hilton, which boasts one of the "50 best bars in the world", but did not serve food after 11:00pm. We were both a bit hungry, we had eaten at the "Maker's Mark" restaurant earlier in the evening, but it left us less than satisfied. Very marginal food, and a very weak menu.
We headed onto 4th Street which becomes "4th! Street! Live!" in the evenings. I was very much reminded of my college days. Loads of young people roaming the streets beers in hand with loud music pumping in the background. As I held my husband's hand ( a rare treat, since one hand is usually holding a kid, the other a diaper bag, etc ) we walked to TGI Friday's in search of an open bar and some sustenance. The TGIF in Louisville offered some of the oddest waitstaff in the tri-state area. Our waiter looked and acted like he had just sprung out of the joint and thought "the man" was coming to take him back. There were two loud, obnoxious, rednecks seated at the booth behind us who thought they were HILARIOUS when they flirted with the hostess every time she walked by. Oh well, I had a big ass margarita and all was well.

We ventured back to our hotel (very nice, but old and historic... neither of us would have been surprised to turn a corner and see twin ghost-girls standing at the end of the hallway) and called it a night.
The next morning we headed downstairs for coffee at the Starbucks located in the lobby of the creepy hotel. Chris Hardwick, the opener for Joel was sitting there alone playing with his new i-phone. I told him we loved the show, we chatted for a few, and then he and Bob began talking in Swahili to one another. Some i-phone, Gb, stuff that does not make sense to me. I am tech-challenged.
I shelved my shame and asked Chris if I could get a pic with him. He was a super nice guy, and very funny!
Bob and I began our search for "make Manda happy and don't want to hear her bitch all day" also known as breakfast. We finally found a Big Boy and ate a quick breakfast that I think I am still digesting two weeks later.
Then we went to the Louisville slugger museum, which I have to say, was a lot more fun than I anticipated! All in all it was a good "mini-vacation" with my husband. Don't worry, there is another post to come regarding this trip. I am still getting over the post-traumatic stress of the gas station stop in Bowling Green, but will be posting about it as soon as the flashbacks stop...

Getting Lucky in Kentucky... part 1

2009-06-22T17:27:00.004-05:00

"I was dreamin' when I wrote this, so sue me if I go to fast"..... 10 pts for Prince reference! Any-who, Bob and I made it back from our Louisville trip safe, happy, and in my case, hungover from the two drinks I consumed Friday night. That's right two... stop laughing. (they were tequila based, does that give me cred? no?)
As you can tell from the above pictures, Bob and I met (in my case, re-met) Joel McHale. He seems like a genuine guy, very patient with all of us freaks who wait for his autograph and a picture.
I have more to write about his trip...stay tuned.....

Workin' For The Weekend

2009-06-15T15:46:00.004-05:00

I should start by saying I have a huge t.v. crush on Joel McHale, just in case this is your first visit to diva-land. He is funny as hell, which goes a long way with me. He is tall, which is also a physical trait I am into. And, he is cute. (I could be describing my husband here, btw. He is cute, which I noticed immediately when I met him, but his sense of humor is what got me. And, he is over 6 foot, which I LOVE)
Enough about my husband, back to my boyfriend. I have been watching "The Soup" on E! for years now, and the crush on Joel has grown stronger every Friday. I even bought the movie "Open Season 2" for my "kids" (read: myself) because Joel voices the main character in the animated flick. So, yeah, I guess listening to his voice is just as good for me.
As a kid and a teen I did not develop a lot of crushes. Mostly, I would find myself crushing on the "funny" guy. I was more partial to Will Ferrell on SNL than Brad Pitt.
I have recently developed a secondary crush to Joel. His name is Chris Hardwick. Like I mentioned, I have watched "The Soup" for years, and last week watched the spin off, "Web Soup" with host Chris Hardwick. Great show, very similar format to "The Soup".

As always, I have a point, I just have to ramble before I get to it. Friday night my DH and I are traveling up to Louisville sans Divas for an overnight stay. We have tickets to see Joel McHale's show at 8:00. I went to see him in February and it was a blast. Yesterday I started Internet stalking my new boyfriend, Chris Hardwick, and found out he is going to be opening for Joel Mchale on Friday! Who-hoo. If only Robert Pattinson could come along, this could be my perfect weekend. No kids, hubby in tow, laughing our asses off at two hilarious (hot) guys! I am sure if DH was writing this he would think it was his perfect weekend if Megan Fox was coming along (slut), but she's not, so, suck it, Bob....

I am hoping to get another picture with Joel, preferably one where I don't look like I just got off a three day bender. Maybe wear a little makeup this time, etc. True, that picture was taken after driving 5 plus hours to St. Louis, shopping all day, and waiting until midnight for Joel. Still, more effort should have been made. I did replace my wedding picture with this one, after all.

I should go back and count how many times I mentioned "The Soup" or Joel and look into some compensation. I tell you, I would ROCK as his publicist!

Once, Twice, Four Times a Diva

2009-06-07T20:17:00.003-05:00

Four generations of Divas! My grandmother, my mother, myself, and my little Diva's!

8 things!

2009-06-07T15:45:00.002-05:00

Vikki at "2 Little Irish Boys" tagged me in her blog, so I thought I would play along!

8 Things I am Looking Forward to:

Going on my weekend getaway with Bob later this month.

Finishing my never-ending redecorating project by getting all the rooms painted.

Rebecca beginning pre-school in August; I know she will love it!

Traveling to Michigan for my high school reunion.

Planning our anniversary vacation.

Sarah's 2nd birthday (bittersweet!)

Taking my diva's to Kentucky for a visit.

Barb-be-que, mar-ga-ritas, and hanging out with good friends!

8 Things I did Yesterday:

Went to Target.

Laundry.

Watched "The Little Mermaid" with Rebecca.

Bought Rebecca her first watch.

Showered.

Went to Kara's for some Sangria under the stars!

Read a whole book.

8. went to bed too late.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

read all the time

speak Italian

make my neighbor's move

take a girl's week and go to Hawaii

Get the sight of the 70 year old woman in the booty hugging shorts that I saw at Olive Garden today out of my head...shudder...

keep my house cleaner

convince my doctor that Vicodin works better than Xanax...

8 Shows I Watch:

How I Met Your Mother

Jon & Kate

The Soup

Rules of Engagement

Entourage

30 Rock

Family Guy

The Office

8 Favorite Fruits

strawberry's

any kind blended in a margarita

grapes

watermelon

pineapple

bananas

kiwi

any kind molded into a Jolly Rancher

8 Places I'd Like to Travel:

Rome

Jerusalem (to the Holy Lands)

Paris

Ireland

Monroe, Michigan (hehe)

England

Alaska

Australia

8 Places I have Lived:

Spring Hill, Tennessee

Brentwood, Tennessee

Wyandotte, Michigan

Danville, Kentucky

Franklin, TN

Lebanon, KY

Taylor-tucky, Michigan

Windsor, Canada (very briefly)

I Won! I Won!

2009-06-02T17:27:00.002-05:00

I entered a contest on "Baby on Bored's" Blog yesterday and... I won! I normally don't enter contests, because I think it is bullshit when I lose, and I don't take it very well. Could be why my husband does not want to golf or play games with me.
The contest was "guilty pleasures". I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about some of my guilty pleasures. One that I have mentioned in the past is shampooing my carpet. I love the loud hum of the carpet cleaner... I can hear nothing but the cleaner...

Dale picked Divamommy who likes to shampoo her carpet to drown out the noise of the kids.

"I love that Divamommy finds 'guilty pleasure' in cleaning. Thunderously loud, escapist cleaning. It's a sort of overachieving guilty pleasure, as opposed to just, say, just swallowing ice cream."

Staying up late

2009-05-31T21:50:00.005-05:00

Tonight I am not going to bed to read, I am staying up to watch the MTV Movie Awards. Mainly, I am watching Robert Pattinson, because, well, yum... I have mentioned banging him like a screen door in previous blogs, so I will save you the graphic details and just give you a little eye candy to enjoy. And, No, Bob, he is not dirty... also, best moment of the night-for me anyway, Ryan Reynolds and Rob Pattinson on the same stage.
Not to mention Sascha Coen sixty-nineing Eminem. That was pretty funny... awkward, but funny. I am thinking Eminem was not aware this was going to happen, because he looked pissed. I saw "8 Mile", Marshall is not that good of an actor.

A whole lotta nothin'

2009-05-21T11:22:00.003-05:00

Really, things have been pretty low key here in diva-land. I ended up with dry sockets after having all four wisdom teeth removed. Let me tell you, that was painful. I would rather give birth through my nose than go through that hot mess again. Luckily, the dentist is familiar with these situations and packed some nasty tasting gauze down in the "holes" and it was almost instant relief.

I have been a fan of Kris Allen since "Hollywood" week on American Idol, so I was thrilled that he won last night. He is so freakin' cute, I want to get a Kris Allen to keep at home like a pet. I would walk him and feed him, and he would sit at my feet and sing re-made versions of Kanye West songs to me. "Kris, I will give you another treat if you can sing an acoustic version of 'Golddigger'."

I met one of my favorite authors last week; Jen Lancaster. If you are not familiar with her work, you should check it out, because girlfriend is hil-ar-ious!

How does your garden grow?

2009-05-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?

PILGRIMS!!! hehe ;O)

I may have mentioned this guy in the past....

2009-05-08T19:03:00.002-05:00

I love Joel McHale, he is my favorite person on earth (besides my DH).
So, imagine my excitement to find out he will have his own sitcom on NBC this fall!
Go here to see Joel in his most anticipated role (by me) since Spiderman 2!

It's hard to write with a monkey on your back

2009-05-08T15:08:00.003-05:00

It's official, I am the world's biggest pussy. I can't handle the drugs that I am always seeking. The mere fact that spell check has already corrected this post four times shows me I am a lightweight. I am curious to go back and read this post in a few days to see if I make any sense...

My week started with a kidney infection.... Okay, rest and antibiotics, I can handle.

Cut to me at my dentist appointment on Tuesday... after a cleaning and multitude of x-rays the dentist determined I needed to have my wisdom teeth removed asap. Apparently when you are born the Big Guy decides to throw a couple extras in there to separate the weak from the strong and the insured from the uninsured. The next day I was scheduled to see the oral surgeon.

He explained to me the urgency of my situation, apparently in a rare few individuals (I will call us the Awesome) cysts can form near your wisdom teeth and cause an unbearable (that's my term) amount of pain and pressure. He said those suckers were coming out in the morning.

The 15 hour warning for wisdom teeth removal was actually preferred by me. It gave me less time to panic and waste my well earned Xanax.

The surgery went fine, I think, I was kind of out of it, which is totally a good thing. The anesthesia made me paranoid for the rest of the day, which sucked. Then I began the medicine (hydrocodone and ibuprofen) and the vomiting began.

The day before the oral surgeon had warned me of the side effects of the "strong narcotics". I kind of shrugged my shoulders thinking, "please, I welcome the high that only comes from a good pain killer". I was such a fool.

Now my silly ass can't keep a sip of milk in my stomach without running to the loo to vomit, and I am stuck taking Motrin. That's right folks, the same shit you can buy over the counter at any drugstore, grocery, etc. What was the point of having my gums cut and my "wisers" pulled and dug out if I can not ride that beautiful high for 2-3 days?

I read on People's website that Paula Abdul has battled an addiction to painkillers. Battled, as in past tense. Why Paula? Why release the monkey who has so tightly clung to your shoulders to help you spout crazy nonsensical bullshit on American Idol for years? Believe me, if I had the stomach for it, I would be all over it...

Things I am looking forward to..

2009-04-23T14:35:00.002-05:00

June 19th, seeing Joel McHale live, this time with my husband so all drooling will be kept to a minimum.

The day that Rebecca is fully potty trained.

The new "Harry Potter" movie, coming out in July!

The "Informant" with Matt Damon and Joel McHale, coming out this fall.... eye candy... there may actually be a plot, but I won't care.

Getting some new books to read.

Getting some motivation to work on my book. (watch out for your character, DH!)

Going on a date with my husband.

The day that my Divas are old enough to do all of the chores around the house.

Warm weather, not hot, but that time in between where it is warm all day and cool at night.

Grilling every meal this summer.

The next time I go out with my friends.

What are you looking forward to?

I am starting to get those 700 lb people...

2009-04-22T12:00:00.003-05:00

I just finished mopping my kitchen floor, so I thought I would throw a blog out there while I wait for it to dry.
Not too much new in Diva land, we had our dear friends Amy and Natalie from Michigan stay with us for the weekend. Rebecca came up to me early Monday morning with eyes as big as saucers and said to me in her most pathetic voice, "Mommy, when is Amy going to come back? I miss her". I was about to shed a tear until I heard the follow up; "I am so sad, I think you should buy me a kitty to cheer me up". Wow, I am surprised she has learned a skill like that so young... men are screwed in about 15 years.

We went out to the bar Saturday night, something I have not done in years. I was excited because my DH was able to go with us, compliments of me throwing a couple twenties at the baby-sitter. I forgot how much fun DH and I used to have out with friends before we entered the world of parenting.

I honestly wish I could spend the rest of the day being obnoxiously lazy. I can imagine myself lying in bed, reading, eating ice cream. However, the laundry does not do itself, and the Diva's are not able to reach the knobs. The weekend does not offer any reprieve, I have to go teach the first communion kids some songs on Saturday and then church on Sunday. Good times. Some days I imagine myself when the kids are in school, being that woman you see on the TLC specials... "Tennessee woman has not left her bed for 3 years..." Nah, I would get bored. Three days... now that sounds doable!

Maybe I am a four year old....

2009-04-15T10:38:00.003-05:00

After writing about "Twilight" yesterday, I realized there are more things that make me like a 14 year old girl.

"Harry Potter"... the movies, the books, the characters. I own HP t-shirts, movies, deluxe edition movies, books (both hardcover and paperback). I love it. When "Goblet of Fire" came out in theaters I was 8 months pregnant with Rebecca. I managed to sit through a three hour movie with only one bathroom break, which is like a dang record. Yes, my bladder was sore for a week after, but it was so worth it.

When I was 7 months pregnant with Sarah "The Order of the Phoenix" came out in theaters. I looked about 13 months pregnant, but proudly sported a "Gryfindor" t-shirt to the movie. I wish I had taken a picture because I am certain I looked hilarious. Keep in mind that I wear a large or x-large t-shirt when not pregnant, and this t-shirt was a medium... totally stretched over my bulbous frame.

When the last "HP" book came out, my wonderful hubby had pre-ordered it so it arrived first thing in the morning. I read the entire 800 page book that day. I was pregnant with Sarah at the time, or I would have went to the bookstore at midnight to get a copy. I like to think I was instilling a love of Harry Potter in my girls from the time they were in the womb.

*side note, when the first HP movie came out, I thought Daniel Radcliffe was a cute little kid. Fast forward 6 years.... I would so be his Mrs. Robinson.

"Spongebob Squarepants"... I don't know if this makes me a 14 year old girl, or a 4 year old, but I think this show is freaking hilarious. I love that my 3 year old loves it. I am willing to buy my girls SB toys, movies, clothes, books, snacks... mainly because I can not find these items in my size. I have to admit, there is a twinge of jealousy that runs through me every time I see my daughter in her SpongeBob jammies.

"The Disney Store"... I can not go to the mall without checking out the Disney store- with or without my children in tow. I swear, it is the freaking happiest place on earth, with the exception of Disney WORLD. My favorite part of Disney world is the souvenir shopping (and the food... but that's a different blog). The genius minds at Disney took the best part of Disney and brought it to my local mall....pure genius. I only wish they made that cute Tinkerbell costume in my size.

"I-Carly", "Hannah Montana", and "Drake and Josh"- love 'em! I will sometimes lie to my kids that the t.v. is broken so we have to watch them. They take me back to my actual youth when I would watch "Saved by the Bell", "Out of This World", and "You Can't do that on Television"

"American Idol"- Seacrest may no longer sign of with "Seacrest out", but I can remember a time when he did. I have watched every season since Kelly Clarkson sang her way into America's heart. I have rooted for Clay, Reuben, Carrie, David, and more. I have witnessed Paula's comedowns from various drugs and medications. Hell, I remember when Randy was FAT!

"MTV Movie, Video Music, or any other Award"- I always watch, although I am not as familiar with the songs as I once was. There are a lot of new "singers" who don't make any sense to me... i.e. Katy Perry, Lady Ga-ga, etc....they are more interested in running around on stage showing their ta-tas, screaming nonsensical bulls*t into a microphone. Remember when artists would take the stage and actually sing? Huh.I sounded a lot like my dad just then....maybe I am getting old after all.

Huh...

2009-04-14T22:07:00.002-05:00

My DH pointed out to me that I wrote about "banging Edward Cullen like a screen door in a wind storm" and then followed it up with a paragraph about going to church 3 times in one weekend... I fail to see the issue.....

It's been awhile...

2009-04-14T13:57:00.004-05:00

Wow, 10 days, no posts... Easter season started off with a bang heard round the world... my birthday! This year totally rocked in the present department. I had many friends who dropped by with gifts, I really wasn't expecting anything!

DH did his b-day shopping for me at one of his favorite stores, Best Buy. I got Wii Fit, and am really trying to not take the message that I need to lose weight. (I mean, I do need to lose weight, but...)
Rebecca got me Wii "music" and Sarah got me "Twilight". Yes, I am a teenage girl at heart who totally digs the Cullen's and wants to bang Edward like a screen door in a tornado.

Oh, speaking of tornadoes, the weather people around here have been wetting their pants with excitement due to all the crappy weather we have had. Before moving to Tennessee I had no clue that this area became a tornado alley every April.

Easter weekend was great, I was busy with church for the majority. 3 masses, 1 Saturday, and 2 Sunday morning, plus decorating Wed, Thur, Fri, and Sat nights. I am glad the decor we have up now will be up for a few weeks.

The girls loved their Easter baskets and egg hunting. They had a blast. We had our friends and neighbors, the Pacholski's over for Easter dinner (basically an excuse to eat Kara's delicious hashbrown casserole..lol) and then all the girls hunted eggs and played with bubbles.

All in all, a great 10 days!

Dear Sarah

2009-04-02T18:19:00.002-05:00

Dear Sarah,
Why do you loathe me so? Let me count the ways...
1. Miserable pregnancy
2. Not sleeping through the night until you were almost one
3. Colic
4. Never allowing me to shop in peace
and number 5.....
Screaming and flinging yourself at the door during a TORNADO watch yelling, "Sarah! Outside! Sarah Outside NOOOW!" Over and over

Luckily, I love your cute, curly headed, ass, or you WOULD have been outside during the tornado.:O)

P.S.... thank you for telling me, "nie-nie, luv ew," when I put you to bed. I love you, too, Beelzebub.

Rabbit, Rabbit

2009-04-01T14:29:00.004-05:00

Well,I have 2 1/2 hours to complete the following things....
1. Tidy up my house so it passes the "mom" test that will occur when my mother comes over to babysit at 5:00. (in her defense, she never says a word, I just have a paranoia about this)
2. Take a shower, put on make-up, fix my hair...
3. Learn the songs for "Holy Week" and get everything ready for choir practice tonight.

Each should take about an hour, I have 2 1/2...and I am currently blogging...so... I will probably slack on either cleaning or hair and make up. It is still a toss up at this point. They are both ruined by night fall anyway.

Today I took the Divas and myself on an outing. We drove the 30 miles to the "Boro", because I woke with a desire to go to Old Navy. When we were leaving the "boro" it occurred to me that no one knew where we were- which is a little scary. My DH and I do not speak to one another very often during the day. Our phone calls are few and far between and are purely factual. "Hi babe, have to go out to dinner with work" "okay, have a good time".... that's pretty much the extent of it. Every so often he calls to see how we are doing, but mostly we don't chat much.

I am not complaining about this. I have friends who speak to their husbands periodically throughout the day, and while I do think it is sweet, I realize this is just one of those things that we do differently.

Another thing that my DH and I do different is the "no bull shit" tolerance. I now can not stand when people are cryptic or beat around the bush.... You want help? Ask me! You want my advice? Ask me!
I used to be very cryptic without realizing it.... never coming right out and saying what I want or need. That has changed recently. I realize I get waaay better results in life just being upfront with what I want and need!

Well, I am off to half ass my hair, makeup, and housework!

The Happenings...

2009-03-26T07:02:00.004-05:00

Writer's Block still fully formed in my head, I will give you a brief list of the "happenings" in Diva land....
*Diva Rebecca is officially registered for pre-school. In diva-mom terms that means I have cold, hard, cash riding on the fact that I can get her little ass potty trained by August.
*DH's b-day was Monday, but we celebrated over the weekend. Celebrations included a large cookie cake from the GAC.... it was fabulous. I never thought of myself as a cookie cake fan, but I have been converted. On a related note, my waistline has been converted to a larger size...
*DH and I bought tickets to go see Joel McHale in Louisville in June. I have a fantasy that includes me following him around his tour like a dead head.
*Choir at church has been keeping me busy. Our director quit two weeks ago and I have taken over the job. The pay sucks, but it is a lot of fun, and I really enjoy all of the people in our group.
*Sarah has added a new phrase to her list: anytime you say "Hi, Sarah!" she responds with, "Hi, Sa-wah!". It is really quite cute. I make her say it a few dozen times a day.
Well, off to make breakfast, do dishes, etc. Be back soon!

I wonder if I dropped Acid....

2009-03-11T08:12:00.004-05:00

I have never gotten into recreational drugs. I am more of a "sprain your ankle for the vicodin" type of substance abuser. I had friends in college who did "e", dropped acid, etc. I honestly could not recognize any of those if you put them in front of me right now. (but I can quote the "Pharmaceutical Bedside Handbook" on the differences between percocet and lortab)

The unfortunate side effect of this lack of drug use is that I will never experience a flash back. I think I have found a way to come pretty close. "Yo-Gabba-Gabba". No, I am not mumbling. There is actually a show on Nickelodeon and Noggin (just like preschool on TV) called "Yo-Gabba-Gabba".

YGG features a 7 foot tall black man named "D.J. Lance Rock" who weighs about 45 lbs and wears an orange jumpsuit and a furry orange hat. No, really, I am not making this up.

There are a plethora of characters ranging from the red bumpy cyclops named "Muno" (who very closely resembles a "bumpy for her pleasure" toy that I once saw), "Foofa" a pink, squeaky voiced flower thing that dances, "Brobee", a vertically challenged, green-striped creature with three horns on his head, "Toodee", a blue, cat-looking object, and "Plex" the yellow robot.

There are other weird segments on the show including, no lie, a song called "Don't Bite Your Friends", an animated show titled, "Super Martian Robot Girl",and "Cool Tricks" where kids or adults demonstrate their.... wait for it.... cool tricks. Um yeah, a 12 year old girl played "three blind mice" on the recorder with her NOSE the other day, not really a "cool trick" in my book....

And then there is my favorite...."Dancy Dance Time". This is where legitimate celebrities come onto the show to teach the dildo and his friends a "dancy dance". I have seen Elijah Wood, Tony Hawk, Mya, Muhammad Ali's daughter, Rachel Dratch, and that chick who sings through her nose from "Sugarland".

DH bought the Divas a dvd of YGG the other day. It has four episodes, I am assuming that is the requisite amount of time a stoner needs to "come down". My divas love this show more than I love a 75% off sale. So, am I setting them to be college druggies who just have to get back that "yo Gabba-Gabba" feeling from their youth? Nah, they will probably have a been there, done that feeling about the whole thing.

As for "Noggin"? Not only are you like pre-school on t.v., at times you are also like college on t.v.

Thanks for the idea, Meg!

2009-03-10T10:14:00.001-05:00

Last Easter, my DH's best friend and his family came to town and brought with them Butterscotch.Butterscotch is a "life like" horse that my kids could ride on, if they were not scared of it. It whinnies, neighs, blinks, moves it's head, and while a super generous gift, it is really kind of creepy. It also takes up a lot of room. I am holding onto it with hopes that in a couple years Rebecca will be interested in it.

I usually leave Butterscotch turned off, because without regular feedings and brushing, he/she (the horse naughty bits are missing) will basically "yell" at you in horsey language until you feed/brush him/her or turn it off. If only my divas had a similar switch.

Butterscotch is a hit when we have playdates. Other kids really like to ride him. That has saved him from the proverbial glue factory.

For now, I will continue to dress him up in princess costumes and hair bows for my own amusement. He is often spotted in the backgroud or corner of pictures, much like that creepy guy at the bar....

Enjoy the ice cream

2009-03-06T16:09:00.002-06:00

I have had writer's block all week. I cannot seem to formulate a complete sentence... so in the meantime, I will be at Baskin Robbin's enjoying their BOGO free coupon. That means two sundaes for me!

Get a printable coupon here to get two Baskin-Robbins sundaes for the price of one (expires 3/28)

Flash Back Friday

2009-02-27T15:40:00.005-06:00

I like to whine a lot when I feel less than stellar. (because I am a Diva, that's why) This can sometimes prevent sympathy when I am really sick. (I am so the little girl who cried barf) Since the sperm and egg met and created the half-devil, half-beast which we call "Sarah", I have been sick a lot. I became hypoglycemic during my pregnancy and apparently the disease felt I was an exceptional host, and stuck around even after expelling the Diva from my womb.

I was sick during my entire pregnancy. Around week 19 I thought, "I think this might stick for the duration". I proceeded to let my doctor medicate me with anything she was willing to write on her magic script pad.

I started feeling ill last night, and it quickly progressed into a full fledged migraine along with a healthy side of nausea. I can't help remembering exactly two years ago, when I was 12 weeks pregnant with Sarah, feeling the exact same way. Sleeping didn't really make much difference. What I really want is another of those magic pills from my doctor.

I know I have mentioned the slight aching in my womb before, but after a shopping trip the other day I realized I really don't want any more children. Again, Rebecca-good, Sarah-devil. I know you should not pick favorites with your children, but Rebecca is definitely winning "favorite child to take shopping". (insert obligitory I love them both equally, they are precious gifts, etc here)

I have determined when it is time to take my Diva's wedding dress shopping it will go a little something like this:

Picture me, 25 plus years from now gazing adoringly at my lovely grown Diva...
"Rebecca, would you prefer we fly to Milan or Paris to gown shop?" "Why yes Rebecca, I would love to watch you try on another thirty gowns!" "No, we really should spend at least four days searching for the right pantyhose, it really doesn't matter if no one sees them, you will know!" etc, etc...

Picture me 26 plus years from now yelling at my other lovely grown Diva...
"Sarah, you are taking too long... I am hungry, I am bored, I am tired, I want to go home!!! Get me a cookie, Get me a nap!!!! Shop on your own time!!!!"

That's my plan and I am sticking to it. It really makes me rethink the whole "maybe I should have another kid for the great drugs" theory.

Hey Angelina-That's a lot of babies

2009-02-20T08:48:00.003-06:00

I just realized I currently have eleven friends who are pregnant. That's like a basketball team or something in the making. Or, Angelina and Brad's family. (I am not so good with the sports analogies, but do love my celebrity gossip)

I went to a Baby Boutique in Franklin yesterday to buy a gift for one of my bulbous-bellied friends and had a slight twinge in my stomach. Cute little blankets, stuffed animals, pacifiers, and cribs beckoned me from every corner. I wanted to scoop up the whole lot and take it home with me.

Luckily, I had the Divas with me to give me a healthy reality check. Sarah started in with her half-cry, half-yell that made me rush through the store. Rebecca started telling me how much she "needed" a stuffed pink pig. (I guess the hundred or so stuffed animals that have already taken residence in our house are not enough)

I pushed my semi-truck equivalent stroller out of there as fast as I could. As I rounded the corner, I saw the "dirty secret" area. Tucked away from the glitter and fluff were the real nuts and bolts of babyhood. Breast pumps, nothing glamorous about those! Nipple shields and creams (sexy!!), medicine dispensers, emergency kits, safety devices, child-proofing kits.... all the things new moms need, but no one wants to buy.

I decided to order a Costco pallet of hemorrhoid cream for each mother and an industial size bottle of Benadryl for each baby. Gifts that I KNOW will get used! ;O)

Amanda, what have you been up to?

2009-02-18T08:52:00.001-06:00

V-day

2009-02-11T17:08:00.002-06:00

When I was sixteen I went to work for a florist for a summer job. It was a pretty neat job, much dirtier than I expected, but taught me quite a bit about flowers and floral design. I stayed for five years. :O)

When Valentine's Day approaches I get these "Nam-like Flashbacks" of my days at the florist. Most of the year it was pretty laid back.... but Valentine's and Mother's Days and the weeks leading up to them were horrible. We were so busy- new orders, more shipments, etc. I won't bore you with the details.

My then-boyfriend would never buy me flowers. His reasoning was I was exposed to them all of the time, why would I want them at home? He must have failed to notice that I bought fresh flowers for my house every week. My reasoning is he was a cheap bastard... but that's another post.

I don't really got "in" to Valentine's Day. I think it is cute when kids give one another Valentine's, but that is about the extent of it. I may cut the kids pancakes into heart shapes or something, but that's about all.

4 year plan

2009-02-02T09:53:00.002-06:00

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"
I was once asked that cliched question by an interviewer for a job I only sort of wanted. (Finance dept at Ford... if you are interested) My answer, "sitting at your desk, doing your job, only not asking stupid questions". Surprise! I didn't get the job...
I had loads of friends/acquaintances in college who loved to ramble on about five year plans. Some were complete with spread sheets and Power Point Presentations. I never cared. Maybe it is my ADHD at work, but I barely had a five minute plan, let alone years!

So here I am, five years from some point. Last Thursday was four years from the day I was married. Did I imagine that in four years I would be a SAHM with two little divas? Not really. I always thought I would have kids....someday...

I really don't have a five year plan or a four year plan at the moment, and probably never will. Wait, I take that back... in four years I will have two divas who are in elementary school.... who-hoo! Mark my words, first day of school 2012... party at my casa!

It got me thinking....

2009-01-27T08:32:00.002-06:00

When I filled out the 25 things about me I thought about my girls... they make up a huge % of my life, time, and who I am. So, I thought I would write 25 things about them at the ages they are right now....

Rebecca (3 yrs 3 weeks)
1. She loves chocolate chip muffins.
2. She is very sensitive.
3. She cries when the trash man takes our trash... she thinks he is mean to it.
4. She will not try new foods unless they include chocolate, and sometimes not even then
5. She loves to hug and kiss her sister
6. She would wear a princess dress every day
7. She could watch Spongebob all day if allowed
8. She loves playing with friends
9. She goes to bed easily, and asks at 6:00 every night if it is bed time
10. She loves jewelry, make up, and anything girly
11. She thinks everything can be bought with 6 dollars
12. She loves to travel in the car
13. She can count to 10 in spanish and mandarin
14. She loves to dance like a ballerina, no matter what music is on
15. She hates having her hair washed, and cries when you put her in the bath tub, but then does not want to get out
16. She hates having her hair combed, but wants to wear pigtails every day
17. She does not want to take a nap,but will fall asleep on the floor playing
18. She likes to help me clean and cook
19. She thinks her daddy can fix anything with his screwdriver
20. She loves flowers and always wants to buy them at the store
21. She thinks everyday should be a birthday party
22. No amount of bribery can get her to do something she doesn't want to
23. She will play quietly in her room for hours in the morning, but she checks on daddy and mommy when they are still sleeping
24. She loves to look at pictures on mommy's computer
25. She has to have her blanket, cowboy bear, pumpkin bear, care bear and pillow to go to bed

Sarah.... 17 months
1. She is fearless
2. She will climb anything
3. She loves to give hugs and kisses (when she is in the mood)
4. She loves to push the buttons on daddy's x-box
5. She can count to three
6. She loves to play "wake up jeff"
7. She does not like wearing dresses or nightgowns
8. When she wakes up she cries loudly until you get her
9. She loves to watch the Wiggles or listen to their music
10. She gets fussy easily in large groups of people, and does not like parties
11. She prefers to play alone or with a few friends
12. She lights up when her daddy gets home
13. She can snuggle on your lap for hours
14. She can not pronounce mommy and calls me "nonny". Daddy and Becca come out fine.
15. She has three rolls on each thigh that I love to tickle
16. She squeals whenever she sees a picture of her friend Camden
17. She will try most any food
18. She has pale blond curly hair, I hope it stay this way
19. She reminds me of my brother every day
20. She is strong and will push Rebecca on the ride on toys
21. She does not want to be carried up the stairs now that she can do it
22. She sings a night night song with her dad when it is time to go to bed
23. She has bright blue eyes, while both mom and dad have brown
24. She is very quick to learn things
25. She has taught me much patience...

Tagged on Facebook

2009-01-27T08:07:00.001-06:00

I was tagged on FB to make a list of 25 things about me... thought I would share...

1. I have Attention Deficient Disorder.. this may be come apparent as you read this
2. My middle name is "Jay", after my grandfather, J.R.
3. I am allergic to cats and dogs
4. When I was 13, my brother and I got into a fight and threw frozen tater tots at one another.
5. I have known my best friend, Amy, since I was 12.
6. When I was in Jr. High I never did my math homework, but still got full points on it every time because the teacher would let us grade our own(10!)
7. I actually like going to church (and singing in the choir.. and sitting by Lisa...giggle!)
8. I have two bachelor's degrees, one in Liberal Arts from U of M and one in Finance from Aquinas
9. I became a Catholic when I was attending Aquinas
10. I dreaded quitting my job to be a stay at home mom, but now I love it and can't imagine doing anything else.
11. I love volunteering, ADA, Project Night Night, soup kitchens, etc.
12. I always thought I would have sons; even thought the ultrasounds were wrong... now I can't imagine life without my chicks!
13. I lived in "sin" with my husband for a year before we were married!
14. I was accepted to Vanderbilt's MBA program, but am not sure if I want to do it
15. I am addicted to the internet (but I have OCD, I go to sites in a particular order)
16. I actually like watching Spongebob with my kids
17. I love to sing,and once won 500 dollars in a karaoke contest
18. I sat at a table in Chick Fil-et next to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill when I was pregnant and Faith asked me how far along I was.
19. I enjoy painting my house and would probably change the colors every month if it were not so much work
20. The summer between my junior and senior yrs of college I ate a hot dog every day because I won a years worth from Oscar Meyer
21. I may not ever work outside the home again, and I am okay with that... I like being with my kids
22. I am more domestic than I ever thought I would be, though...
23. I hate to cook
24. I love wine, but it always gives me a headache
25. I thought I would have a hard time coming up with 25 things, but it was pretty easy!

Martin Luther King Decor

2009-01-23T07:12:00.002-06:00

Dear Homes With Christmas Lights still on,
It is now January 23rd and we are soon approaching the one month anniversary of Christmas passing. In years past I would have had witty and sarcastic musings for why you still have your light-up reindeer in your yard. I would have berated you for continuing to deck your halls and windows with festive lights and bows after the holiday season.

Now, I humbly thank you. Scouring neighborhoods for Christmas lights has become a scavenger hunt for my three year old. She gets so excited when we drive by a house that is ablaze with festivity and will announce, "Look Mom, there are Christmas Lights!"

The downside to this is she was under the impression that Santa was coming back. I had to explain that Santa needs 11 months to pay off his credit card and that the union mandates the elves get a paid vacation in February.

Now we have a new game when we see your house. My daughter will say, "Mom, are those Christmas Lights?" and I will respond with whatever holiday is closest, "No those are Martin Luther King Jr Day Lights".

All I ask is come St. Patrick's day you only turn on the green ones.
Thanks,
Amanda

Get Your Recession On

2009-01-14T09:27:00.004-06:00

I have become one of those people. The "I remember when gas was 89 cents a gallon, eggs were 59 cents a carton, and stamps were only a quarter" people. In case you have been living in a cave with Bin Laden, you may have heard rumor of the economy tanking.

I actually majored in Economics in college. So very not fitting to a Diva personality, but whatever! The side effect of that unfortunate four year collegiate stint is that when the reporters start getting all technical on CNN, I actually understand what they are saying. It brings back "Nam-like" flashbacks from my junior year. But, I digress.

The headlines out there are aimed to scare us Divas away from the makeup counter and straight into the warm office of our financial institutions. IRA's, CD's, 401k's? Not this Diva- I totally prefer DKNY, M.A.C., and D & B. Plus, what good is a portfolio if you are carrying it in a reusable shopping bag? (side note: I totally heart the reusable shopping bags from Trader Joe's... they are so funky!)

My DH is more a fan of having cash and stability, so I have had to find a happy middle. Break out the text book... Diva Mom is coming out of retirement. Time to put that over-priced college education to use.

First step: Set up a budget that allows contributions to savings accounts, my hubby's bi-monthly poker games, my monthly (read: weekly) impulse purchases at Target (oh, I covet you red stickered discount item), tivo, gas for our two environmentally unconscious SUV's, gym membership (hah- not for me!), all my monthly medications (YAY!), keeping the Diva's fed and clothed and looking fabulous. I'll let you know how it turns out. In the meantime, I've got my eye on you CNN scroll... you can't scare me.... I am a mother of two Divas; I don't scare easily.

Party till you Puke

2009-01-12T14:04:00.002-06:00

I am tired. I took care of both divas last week when they were vomiting (Wednesday and Thursday). Friday Sarah was still puking a bit, but got better as the day went on. On Thursday, a dreaded event occurred... taking Rebecca to the doctor for her 3-yr check up.
Rebecca loves to play doctor, read books about doctors, watch her "Elmo goes to the Doctor" movie, etc. But.... Taking her to the actual doctor prompts her to scream, flail, wail, and just be downright uncooperative on every level. Makes no sense to me.

Friday my best friend from Michigan, Amy, came into town for the weekend. That was fun. She is such a great help with the girls and the parties. Saturday was Rebecca's birthday party at the Jump Zone. I was impressed by how little was required of me. Just brought a cake and my credit card.

Sunday I had a baby shower at my house for one of my mommy friends. Everything went well. The only downside was after it was over I had to take Amy back to the airport. :O(

My goal to have Rebecca potty trained by age three is out the window. She is now three and still has no desire to potty anywhere but her diaper. Sigh, I figure I will give her a week and then start again. Getting her to wear panties is like trying to get Britney Spears to wear them.

Oh, I think I smell poop, off to change ANOTHER diaper. Don't envy my life too much!

The DIVA is 3!

2009-01-06T16:14:00.002-06:00

Ho-ly Crap. Yesterday my Diva Rebecca turned 3. I spent all day thinking, "it's 11:00, three years ago I was writhing in pain", "it's 1:00, three years ago I was being prepped for an emergency c-section", etc. etc.

In true Diva fashion, Rebecca has already had two b-day celebrations. On New Year's Day we celebrated with my mom and dad and had cake. Yesterday I made her cupcakes and she had four of her neighborhood friends over. This coming Saturday is her "real" birthday party. I swear, the girl has more b-day parties than Paris Hilton!

Follow ME!

2009-01-05T16:39:00.004-06:00

I have a bet going with someone that I can get 30 people to follow my blog in 30 days....
I want to win this bet. I will be posting a lot more often, so check back frequently, and if you are viewing this ... click on the right hand side to follow me!

*no monetary gain, etc. is to be had from this. Just my pride and ego!

Dear Spanx,

2009-01-04T20:15:00.003-06:00

Dear Sara Blakely,
I am writing to tell you why I loathe your product. After popping out two children via c-section my midsection is anything but toned and trim. Add to that my love for full-fat lattes and my maniacal obsession with all things chocolate or cheesy and you are left with a tummy and thighs that no small amount of airbrushing could improve. Luckily, my rack stayed intact for the most part.

Being a Stay at Home Mom means that part of my job description is to love all things that Oprah approves. When I heard that your power panties were one of her favorite things I was curious. Could I look sleek and slim? Or at least less round and dimply?

While walking through my local Dillard's I noticed a large display of "Spanx" along with a television blasting how awesome I would look if I just dropped $30 USD into your waiting pocket. (okay, so maybe I am paraphrasing, but you get it). The video even pimped Oprah out as she discussed how "life altering" this product was.

Um, yeah...
I bought the "Power Panties" to wear underneath a pair of pants (I so almost wrote slacks... how old am I?!?) that are thisclose to fitting me perfectly.

Your "Power Panties" USD $30 advertisement says this:
"The world's first performance underwear combines the comfort of regular underwear, the feel of hosiery and the power of a shaper. Eliminating the legband creates body-shaping control that's both comfortable and flattering."

Let me break it down for you Spanx Lady- and yes, based on my height and weight I did buy the right size.
"comfort of regular underwear"... well, my "regular" underwear are cotton, and do not require 5-7 minutes and many eff bombs to put on.
"feel of hosiery"... okay. you win on this front. Spanx did feel like hosiery. They also ripped like hosiery when I took them off at the end of the day.
"comfortable and flattering"... flattering? yes... and no. The overall look when I stood perfectly still was a Diva of 10 lbs lighter. However, the look after I moved even one inch was of me yanking my spanx up from rolling down over my waistband. I would hike them back up to the resting place under the ta-ta's and back down they would roll. Sometimes they would stop halfway, somewhere near my belly button, and give me a divine muffin-top belly.
As for comfort... I think everything above answers this, but in case it does not, no, they were not comfortable.
For a parting note, let me quote an episode of "Seinfeld"...

Elaine: Why do they call it a "wedgie"?

George: Because the underwear is pulled up from the back until ... it wedges in.

Jerry: They also have an Atomic Wedgie. Now the goal there is to actually get the waistband on top of the head. It's very rare.

Elaine: Boys are sick.

Jerry: Well what do girls do?

Elaine: We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder.

Atomically Yours,

Amanda Black

How much is too much?

2009-01-04T08:49:00.002-06:00

One of my favorite people, Jackie recently moved five hours away. Jackie makes the world's greatest macaroni and cheese, so good that I have re-named it "Jack-a-roni and cheese". (oh, I crack me up!)
Jackie would bring her famous Jack-n-cheese to any social function we had, always by request. I loved it so much that I asked her for the recipe about a year back. Once she moved, I knew if I wanted to taste the creamy cheese and noodle casserole I would have to make it myself.
I made it for the first time a couple weeks ago, and it was almost as good. But honestly, sub par jack-n-cheese is far superior to any other.
I have made it three times in four weeks. I am most definitely not sick of it, but don't want my family to become tired of it.
How much can I make it before my family leads a protest?
I have a history of doing this. Shortly after Sarah was born I was hooked on a cheese soup that I made at least once a week until Bob said, "no more". (Do you sense a cheese pattern here?)

Gnomes, Cammo, Cheese, and Rabbit Food...

2008-12-31T11:08:00.005-06:00

The freaks, do indeed, come out at night. I am absolving myself of any association with that comment by stating that this observation was all in the name of anthropology.

My girl-pal K and I went to another personal hell of mine last night; Wal-Mart. I know I have stated my loathing for Wal-Mart in the past, so no need to delve into that right now.

To fully understand, let me start at the beginning....
Target had a garden gnome in their Christmas aisle that I began coveting prior to Thanksgiving. He had an adorable red hat perched on his head, and a candle held between his gnome mitts. I had named him before I even crossed the aisle to look at him closely.

Since this was not my first time batting in the ole Tar-jay ballgame, I did not let Gnomie's $24.99 price tag dissuade me. I knew, starting on Christmas Eve, he would be had at a "g"nominally reduced price. Since there were 8 in stock, I kept my eyes on the prize.

K is also a big fan and avid collector of the Gnome. She immediately joined in "Gnome Hunt 08". Every time either of us would hit the local Target we would call the other with a "Gnome Report".

K's husband searched out the Target by his office yesterday to discover the Gnome had been marked down to 75% off, making it a mere $6.24. Sold! As soon as I left choir practice (8 pm), I picked up K and we were on our way to my Terra Cot ta victory.

After securing a gnome to take home and call my own, we wandered around the store aimlessly listening to the overhead announcements tell us "Target would be closing in 30 minutes", "15 minutes","10 minutes", "Okay, really. You silly bitches back there in the Christmas aisle? Yeah we see you, and we want to go home. Get the hell out of our store!", "Target is now closed".

As we left Target, K mentioned a curiosity about the reducing of merchandise at the local Wal-Mart. I was drunk on gnome love, so why not?

We wandered around Wal-Mart for about an hour, and then we took our (read: K's) purchases up to the checkout. Yes, I mean the checkout in the literal sense. Only one register was running. I think the lady running it may have been on her first day.

The "gentleman" in front of us in line had some very interesting purchases.

First: he was wearing a down filled camouflage coat. Skin tight Wrangler jeans, cowboy boots, greasy mullet, and a smug expression.

In his hands to purchase? ANOTHER down-filled camouflage coat, a huge bag of rabbit food, and a can of NO-Doze.

One might automatically assume that he was going hunting. (Maybe wrascily wabbit?) Until.... we spotted him checking out movies at the red box in the "lobby" of Wal-Mart. I wanted to sit in my car and watch and see how long he would stand there, but my growling stomach got the best of me.

K and I had a midnight debate on where to eat, and K brilliantly suggested "Steak-n-Shake". (Dear Husband, if you are reading this, I went to Steak and Shake under protest. I would never eat at one of your favorite spots without you.) That being said, we chugged on over to SNS to find we were two of many customers- but only two of a small amount of customers over the age of 18.

Both WM and SNS had teenage (boys) roaming all over. At the risk of sounding old- what are these kids doing out at midnight? I have a mortgage, and two small children. I have earned the right to stay out all night if I wanted (and physically could).

These kids- piercings every where. And, the ambiguous hair! And, skinny jeans, on a BOY! They were making my cammo clad friend at the Wal-Mart appear more and more normal.
Granted, there were a few jockish kids squeezed into a booth that were free of visible piercings or std's. If I were a 17 year old girl, I would definitely be tempted to stroll the aisles of W-M or eat a midnight bite at SNS.

But, I wouldn't have been allowed.

Because my daddy always told me there is nothing to do after midnight but get in trouble.

A Very Diva Christmas

2008-12-28T22:15:00.002-06:00

A brief re-cap of the last week:

Monday- got strep throat. Well, technically I don't know when I contracted it, that was just the day of my diagnosis. Plus side, doctor says I am down 4 lbs since last visit (2 weeks ago) Deem throat too sore to eat much beyond popsicles.
Bob home on vacation.

Tuesday- choir practice (which I pretty much sat silently through- see Mon) Bob still home.

Wednesday- Christmas Eve. Went to my parents for lunch. Went to church at 4 and 6 masses, sang my three sizes too small heart out. Came home, wrapped presents, played Santa. Got to take a bite out of the cookies Rebecca and Sarah left out for the fat man in red. Guilt free, as am doing parental duty and making memories. Weighed myself before bed, down one more lb, not sure how. Wonder how Bob managed to make it through entire holiday without wrapping a single gift.

Thursday- Wake up before divas. Enjoy coffee and silence, knowing this is probably last year of peace before the divas wake me up at an absurdly early time to open presents. In true Diva fashion, Rebecca does not want to wear Christmas pajamas in red plaid print that were painstakingly picked out for her. Feels that Cinderella dress with Belle crown is more appropriate. For once, I win the wardrobe battle, only by promising the opening of presents.

Later Thursday- Divas have bored with the ripping open of paper, and now want to play. May or may not uttered very loud curse words over the packaging for a Barbie doll. Send Divas to Daddy with all other presents that need opening or assembly.

Even later Thursday- Fall asleep, woken up by loud crying. Rebecca has ran into the kitchen island, and the island won the battle. Rebecca is more upset about potentially getting blood on her outfit (Cinderella dress up complete with hooker heels) than she is the pain. Cut is very deep and bleeding a lot.

30 minutes later- in route to the E.R. Rebecca is still asking me why she could not wear her princess dress to the "doctor"

1 hour later- armed with two teddy bears, a popsicle, a coloring book and crayons, and a dermabonded forehead, Rebecca is realeased from the ER. I am assuming a large bill is on it's way for me.

Friday- Bob still on vacation, went to scour clearance racks at Target and Kohls. Bought pajamas for the divas with my Christmas money.Wonder when the day will come that I spend my Christmas money on myself?

Hump Day Musings....Presents, garlic, and Red Bull

2008-12-17T19:49:00.004-06:00

I have lots of presents to wrap.... the divas and I are road-tripping on Saturday to see my grandparents for Christmas, so I can slack no longer on wrapping the gifts that need to go with me. I wrapped some of the diva's gifts one evening, and now I can't remember what I bought them!

My friend Amy from MI sent a GIANT box of gifts for the divas today. I went ahead and let them open them, and I am glad I did, because it takes Rebecca approximately 30 minutes to open one gift! Christmas day should be fun. I am thinking of letting them open all of the non-Santa gifts before Christmas.

Seriously, Rebecca pulled one-inch strips of wrapping paper. One at a time.... I was starting to think she would outgrow the toy before she got it open. Auntie Amy sent a FP laptop, an Elmo Live!, 2 puzzle books, candy, and some cute clothes. My favorite- each diva got a cute t-shirt that says "Future Wolverine" (U of Michigan is my Alma mater). Normally I am not a big fan of shirts that "say" things, but these are super- cute.

My house smells like garlic. I made a spaghetti bake for dinner. I loathe cooking. Well, that is not entirely true, I enjoy cooking without people fussing at my feet. The divas are under the impression that I am a short order cook. Rebecca usually turns down whatever I am making in lieu of a bowl of fruit. She is not willing to eat meat, or much else but fruit and crackers. (and the occasional chicken nugget) She also likes ice. She is one Red Bull and Marlboro away from being a model.

Sarah will eat about anything you give her. I love that. Rebecca has been picky since she was in the womb! She started that Diva behavior early.......but at least she gets it honestly!

Dora and Playboy

2008-12-15T11:17:00.002-06:00

Since starting this blog last week, I realized I really enjoy writing. I only wish I had more time! I am definitely not above letting the television baby sit my children so I can get something done, but the dishes and laundry have not received the message that diva-mom has better things to do!

Dora the Explorer is a staple in my house. Dora the show, Dora books, Dora plates, toys, underwear, I swear they will stick that Latino girl's face on anything! Sarah can say approximately 5 words clearly. One of those is Dora. (See Noggin IS just like pre-school on t.v.)

The reason I bring this up? I am able to sit here and type this because currently Dora is teaching my kids some Spanglish..

Before I had kids there were many shows I said my kids would not watch. There were also many shows I didn't even know existed. We have all heard of Dora and SpongeBob due to their mugs being splashed on every product available. (Kotex presents the "SpongeBob Sponge!" "extra absorbency!") There were channels I didn't even know existed. Noggin? Sprout? Nick? Nick Jr? Playboy? Disney?
Well, maybe you say Playboy isn't for kids, but once you have two toddlers running you ragged all day, paired with a husband who still thinks you should give him some more than bi-monthly, you do what you gotta do.
Believe me, if Momma Diva ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!

Thursday's Snow

2008-12-14T17:56:00.004-06:00

Pic 1:
Look closely, you can see me and the divas freezing our J-Lo's off on the porch!
Pic 2:
Doesn't Rebecca resemble Cindy Lou Who?
Pic 3:
Me and my Sare-bear outside watching it snow!

Week-in-Update

2008-12-12T22:52:00.003-06:00

Up Now in the Soup.........

Yes, yes, my three loyal readers, I know I am a slack ass who needs to get to blogging. I am extremely poor at time management. I love to write, and am loving writing this blog, but I cant quite find time. I am going to get better, don't stray!

Monday- took the divas to the doctor. Rebecca got the flu "mist" and acting like we were torturing her. She cried when Sarah got her shots, yelling at the nurse "Stop hurting my sister!" That was a little traumatic for her. She then witnessed me get my flu shot and they were both crying. Although, I have to say I don't think Sarah's tears had anything to do with me being in pain. Mostly she was pissed that I set her down for two minutes and was not able to get into my womb... I swear she would re-claim residence there if she could.

Tuesday- I can think of what I did. Oh yeah, I cooked dinner.... whats the special ingredient? Resentment. I hate cooking.

Wednesday- I woke up and managed to keep the divas fed and alive... what more do you people want from me?

Thursday- hosted a playdate for my SH Mom's group. Kids wore jammies. Ate lots of cookies... vacuumed up lots of cookie crumbs.

Later Thursday- It started snowing. Pretty, right? Yeah, until you leave to drive to choir practice only to get there and find out two other people showed up.

Even later Thursday- drove home on pretty much a solid sheet of ice. Thankful for 4 wheel drive.

Friday- Went to the doctor, by myself, pretended I was on exotic vacation. (we moms have to take the alone time we get!)

Friday Night- Went to Trader Joe's.... I heart Trader Joe's, it ranks in my tri-fecta of the best stores (in case you are wondering.. Amazon.com, Target, and Trader Joe's)

Even Later... type this blog, go to bed. I promise more to come.
P.S.... Tennessee sucks. No wine sales at Trader Joe's. Am thinking of leading a protest.

My Personal Hell

2008-12-07T19:58:00.004-06:00

I was raised in a Baptist household, going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, and taught about heaven and hell. Basically, go up if your good, down if you are bad.

As I became an adult I have developed my own theories on religion. While I am becoming active in our church (I have become a Catholic in recent years, but that is another post) I don't necessary share the same ideas as many churches....
Amanda's version of heaven:
3,000 thread count sheets on self-making beds
Rich delicious meals with no calories
Naps whenever you want
No responsibilities
Ice Cream, lots of Ice Cream
Round the Clock Massage Service
No Bad Hair Days
Wine consumption with no headache

Amanda's version of hell:
Taking my two kids to get their Christmas Picture made.

Mr. Bob (my dh) said that as soon as we walked into the portrait studio I tensed up. Damn straight I did! And that's after a Xanax and coffee breakfast. I knew what was coming- thirty minutes that I consider more painful than listening to Britney Spears "sing" a ballad. I would take nipple piercings and a root canal without meds over what I knew we were about to endure.

Something in the air of the studio brings out the worst in my kiddos. They love the Lego table in the waiting room and do not want to leave it to go smile and stand still for the camera. Apparently my need to capture their childhood is not a huge priority for them.

My normally angelic darlings... whoops, sorry, I just spit out my drink laughing as I typed that, became fussy, whiny, dare I say it, DIVAS once the camera was aiming at them. I swear I heard Sarah utter her first full sentence under her breath, something to the tune of, "I am not doing another shoot without craft services!" and that was before she threw her cell phone at the photographer, Naomi Campbell style. She kept running away from the "set" as fast as her size 4's could carry her. Also, that pretty bow I had lovingly placed in her flaxen curls? She ripped it from her head every moment she had that was not spent by her taking off her shoes.

Rebecca decided that her arms up in the air made for the most interesting pose. I disagreed. After promising her cookies, ice cream, my savings account, whatever she wanted to just "stand still and smile" we were finally able to get a decent shot. I expect my mother of the year award will be arriving any day now.

After about 15 minutes, I was done, the kids were done, and Mr. Bob had a sort of blank stare in his eyes. I viewed the results on the screen and ended up buying 6 of the poses... so....
12 sheets of pictures: $96
Two Black bows for Sarah's hair that ended up in my pocket: $7
Ice Cream for Rebecca: $5
Not having to do this for one more year: priceless....

Amanda Black's Friday

2008-12-03T08:13:00.004-06:00

I began my Christmas season by waking up at 4 am the day after Thanksgiving and venturing out in to the cold winter's morn to partake in the tradition known as "Black Friday". As my last name is "Black", I feel a certain kinship to things associated with the dark color.
My town has acquired a Kohl's and Target since the last holiday season, so I bundled up, drove through my local Starbucks (also new) and prepared to face the masses. I had no idea what I was in for.....
Target did not open until 6 am, so Kohl's was my obvious first choice. I had my list, I was ready to go. Pulling in to the shopping complex, my mom, who was riding shotgun, proclaimed, "Is that... people?" I, carefully observing all traffic laws, eyes on the road, hands at 10 and 2, had no clue what she was talking about. I briefly wondered if she thought the makers of my fine Starbucks coffee (if you are reading this Starbucks, I love you and will accept any and all gifts of your delish product) were producing Soylent Green to use as my coffee's whipped topping.

Nope, apparently Mom is not quite ready for the Alzheimer's wing at the loony bin, she was correct, there were people in line as far as my smudged glasses could see, wrapped around the outside of the super- Target (our Target apparently has super powers and a cape, that makes it SUPER).

The six year old in me wanted to immediately jump in the line. Surely there must be something great going on if people were lining up an hour before the store opened. When I mentioned this to my mother, over her snorts and laughter I think I made out the words "you can get in line by yourself".

The sixteen year old in me huffed "fine, but if I miss out on any awesomeness, you can only blame yourself". Apparently, she felt she could live with that.

We parked in the Kohl's lot and much to my chagrin I was able to park relatively close to the entrance. Where were the screaming masses scrambling for parking? Walking into the store, everything was well stocked, and the lines were moving in a neat, orderly, fashion. Where were the infamous BF fights? I wanted action!!!
The whole experience at Kohl's was....well, fine. There were no fights for the last Sonoma sweater, no one was clawing another's eyes out to get to the last piece of Fiesta ware. It was actually a pleasant experience.

We then drove to Target (not the same one that earlier had the Soy lent Green brigade outside) and on our way I stopped by Starbucks for another delicious beverage. (oh you Seattle brewing fools, I heart you). My mom was beginning to question my addiction to the mocha peppermint latte.

I parked a little further away from the entrance of Target than was required by Kohl's. It was at this point, only 7:00 am. (And yes, that is two lattes so far, but who's counting?) I was armed with my list, having scoured the BF ads online for the past month. Everything on my list was located in the toy section (Moms, have you ever noticed a need to ALWAYS go to the toy section even when the kids are with you? I mean the one time you can easily get away without going?) I reached the toy section and found the first aisle I needed to go down. Three ladies and three carts blocked my path. No, they were not shopping, they were chatting!!! Apparently," Peggy", hadn't seen "the other Peggy" since church on Sund-blah blah blah... get out of the way ladies.

I did not say any of the thoughts roaming my head, just smiled and politely said "excuse me". What I should have said? "Hey, ladies! There is a place for chatting, and the toy aisle at Target on BLACK FRIDAY is not it!"

Any who, I went to the spot where the digital camera I wanted to by my DD3 (on sale, 20 dollars) and gasp, the slot was empty....sold out. As was everything else on my list (of 3 items, but still!)

Then it hit me... this is why people get into fights, etc, on BF. They are irritated and disappointed that they woke up at an ungodly hour, made it out the door with the minimum amount of caffeine and weaved through the crowd for....nothing.

Silver Lining: My Target has a Starbucks inside....I swear it's better than booze....

Merry Christmas in other words....

2008-12-02T17:12:00.000-06:00

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious

persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
-This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal.
-It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting.
-It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.

This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher,

Amanda Black

My First Post!

2008-12-01T19:57:00.004-06:00

I am now entering the world of blogging. If you are reading this either you are bored, or you already know me... or maybe a combination of the two.
I am Amanda, mom to Rebecca (3) and Sarah (1). They are my little divas.

When Rebecca was an infant I called her my 7 lb dictator- the pounds may change but the sentiment remains the same. Rebecca is my girly girl. She loves make up, ballet, dress up, and princesses.

Sarah is a diva in her own right. She is loud and bossy. She loves the "Wiggles" and dancing. She likes to play with pretend instruments.

Well, that's enough for now, but stay tuned.....